I'm done with this 

It's taking a toll on me. Like a fool I am to be. if this continues, the streets and I will meet and the people there homeless and useless I will soon greet. 

So thank you all my friends for the efforts you have put in me, I appreciate it.

We are done 

I hope I do the right things 

There isn't a moment when I'm not thinking about you

I'll get you back

Don't move on, don't Amanda 

I'm done being confused

I don't wish to go through this anymore 

Well, I got drunk and stupid 

I dreamt of you, a few nights ago. It was the best dream of you, you were gorgeous, we had a family, then slowly after everything disappeared one by one. When I woke up I knew I had to move on, but only time will tell.

I still love you, I was wrong. I love you so much. Get back into my life, find a way for me to forgive you, I can't let you go. Do whatever you can to pull me back because I can't do it myself. 

Well, I presume that they hate me now 

Saving it

Back to school, mask on

If you only knew where to look..

Keep your hopes up, Amanda, you can do this.

This isn't how it dies, I just need time.

Hang in there

Not gonna lose it, gotta keep my word and work.

Fuck me I've fall back into being comfortable again. No no no this shouldn't be happening I need to snap out of it. I'm irresponsible again fuck I need to change it back

So, that is how love is like, in the other hand, it's so beautiful, all I remember was  a snip of walking back to her place, a snip of her cleaning my body and a snip of me cuddling her and then falling asleep. That's beautiful, that's love guys. Love is being there for each other, listening to each other, taking care of each other, hoping for the best for each other. That's beautiful. The most beautiful thing in the world, love. I love you Amanda Dydy 

"Read this when you miss me"

I did, I read it.

It's never too late to tell me that you still love me and you want me.

I love you, but that's too much, it's up to you to make it up to me.

I'm very upset

After all this, I am thankful of what you've done for me and I appreciate everything.

I'm still immature, I know, I am trying really hard.

I love you for what you've done for me, I love you for who you are, although my mood was fucked up and I'm different today, I still love you as much.

Don't give up on me, I love you

It sucks to cry alone

I'm hurt and sad. 

Tmr isn't a chill day, so I'll get my ass up and do some fucking productive work at home instead of surfing YouTube. Jezz I've been giving excuses to not do things I am suppose to, excuses end right here and now. I believe I can do it, and I will. 

Sometimes I just believe I can do it and let it come to me and not me going to get what I want instead. That's so wrong...

Negativity in me is overwhelming 

Ok I have no fucking idea wtf

Confusion, is the state that I'm in right now 

I'll be ready for life, for life.

I hope I'll stay the same, yet different.

I'm willing to take the hits 

I'm willing to take the hits 

It hurts to see her being so close to other guys, I know how it feels, so I rather not.

I was immature, now it's time to grow,

I'm fucking 18 and hopeless, yes hopeless, but I'm NOT giving up. I'm not a coward

I hope I don't lose it this time round

Anyway, a boring day in school today but  I'm looking forward to what I'll be learning later on. 

Went to visit my boy Gerry straight after school, chilled for awhile then we had a fucking killer workout. I really wanted to puke but I kept it in, it felt really horrible. But yep, day 1/30 of losing 4kg.

 

Games ended, the time we used to have fun will never be taken back, there are no regrets. Just consequences. Just like how I'm going to pay for not sleeping early. I'm not giving up, I'm fighting back to the light. I'm not a coward that gives up

I miss you too, just so you know.

I'm missing you like crazy

I'm gonna change, I'm losing myself but yes I'm gonna change. Get my shit together, be strong and get through this

Can't wait for fitting muahahahaha

So, the new lifestyle begins

So, the new lifestyle begins

Every now and then I lose control of my goals and my discipline. Well that isn't very good to start with, but although I do lose them I sorta find a way to get back to it, for example a girlfriend talk, or maybe a bro motivational talk something like that..

How does that work you asked?

You see, I wander off my goals and sometimes it'll take just a small reminder about what I want to do to start it all again.

Come to think of it, maybe I should put up posters in my house that says "Visual designer" put it every FKING where HAHAHAHAHA

That might be a wonderful solution to it thou.

Anywhoo, I wandered off due to the off days I had during Chinese New Year, man that sucks I know Jesus Christ it's just a few days and I've lost it already that's bad I mean that IS bad.. 

But yes, I got it back and it's show time in a few hours.

Ciaossss - Jordan

I get it now yea.. I fucking suck, I can't figure out my priorities, I can't make my girlfriend and parents happy I can't do anything I suck I'm sorry 

I'm not good enough for this, I tried my best but it's always not enough

Then will it be enough if I end myself?

I didn't want this to happen, I didn't want any of this to happen, I thought I was controlling it well.

Something's cannot be changed, like how other people try to change the fact that I love you so much, indeed I do love you so much. 

😔

Well.. It's kicking in again.. Fuck..

I'm sorry, I'm worthless

I feel so lucky to have you around dydy I love you #drunkblogs

I'm now imagining that I'm in a crowd of fans that love my work, they're applauding, cheering, shouting my name... Damn that feels good doesn't it?!

I'm going to achieve that, and achieving something isn't hard nor is it easy, stay focused, work towards it, be obsessed with it and have faith. I'm going to get there, one day.

And I will, prove everyone of you wrong that designing won't get you anywhere, just watch me.

Imagined my motivation backed this morning, missed how it feels like to be motivated. 

Whether you tell yourself you can or you can't, you're right

I am going to regain all motivation, and I will. I am going beat you all down. I will be a successful designer, I am going to be, I need to have faith and work towards it. Have faith in yourself Jordan 

I was too satisfied, and then something bright me down to my knees, but I didn't quit, i can't quit. 

After yesterday I have lost everything

I had lost all motivation 

Be obsessed with it, have faith and it will come truth

Believing is seeing, because you will see what you believe in. 

Fuck my life la

I just want to be in peace fucking he'll leave me alone la cb

What's good in me when I can't even make you happy...

😔😔😔

She hates me now

I like to hold my penis when my hand is cold because my penis is warm when it's slightly erected LOOOOOOL

Never thought I would say this but

School's fun with friends 

Waking up in a few hours time for school, I can do this, I choose to, if I don't I'm a fucking lazy useless bastard and i will be a failure if I don't go to school. I'm gonna fail and the last person to leave a bad impression on are my teachers. So I'm gonna fucking do it, be a fucking man and stay disciplined and responsible.

😞😞

“People fall in love without reason, without even wanting to. You can’t predict it. That’s love"